Pics And Betrayal
At Em we’re doing a deep dive into #13reasonswhy 1 episode at a time to unpack WHAT happened to Hannah, and WHY.
We want to figure out how we can all learn to be better forces so that we can help out girls like Hannah who feel hopeless and alone.
Because what happened to Hannah could happen to any of us - and that's not OK!
It is important to remember Hannah is the one who loses in this show, she loses her entire life. With the right support, she might still be around today. She could have graduated high school, gone to uni, made a life for herself doing what she loved. Em wants a world where this NEVER happens another girl again.
Episode 1: Justin Foley
Hannah goes from the dizzying heights of her first kiss to the ultimate betrayal. Unknown to her, Justin, who she thought she could trust, takes a photo up her skirt and it’s sent around the class. He also lies and tells everyone that he went to “third base” with her.
Hannah’s let down by everyone – by the people in her class who send it around and stared at her and call her a slut, and also by Clay, who tells her that he thinks people “should wait”. You can tell this hurts Hannah the most.
In an alternative reality, what do you think Clay would have done if he could have rewound the tape to support Hannah? What would he have said or done to check in with her?
If something like this has happened to you or somebody you know, you’re not alone. At HELP Auckland (we run Em!), we support teenagers like Hannah who have been used and betrayed be people they thought they could trust – and then blamed and shamed for doing so.
Having a sxt shared by someone you trust – Samantha’s story
Here’s a story about “Samantha”. Some of the details have been changed to protect her privacy – but it could be any girl’s story.
“Samantha” was 14 when her and Nick, a boy from school, started texting. Samantha and Nick quickly became close, texting all day and sharing more and more about their lives. Samantha loved having someone to share everything with, even if they didn’t talk that much at school or hang out alone. It felt kind of safe that way.
One night Nick asked for a pic of Samantha with no top on. Samantha was nervous but also kind of excited. It felt sexy because she was in charge of taking the photo and had full control, but also safe because she was in her room the whole time. Nick promised never to show anyone and she believed him. She sent him two photos of herself in her bra.
Not long after, Nick shared the photos and they soon made their way around the school. Samantha started getting teased for being a “slut” and her friends didn’t know what to say so they got quiet around her and started not inviting her stuff because they didn’t know how to deal. Samantha all of a felt really lonely, and didn’t even have Nick to share with anymore.
Once teachers and her parents found out about the pics, Samantha was punished and asked repeatedly “Why would you do such a thing?!” Samantha felt a deep sense of shame and hopelessness. She started avoiding school and withdrew further from her friends. Her grades started slipping and she began hanging out with older kids, hooking up with older guys and trying to act like she didn’t care about her “reputation” at school.
This caused more problems at home and at school and Samantha felt more and more helpless and alone. She began having a hard time controlling her emotions and would sometimes begin crying in class.
Eventually Samantha was referred to a HELP counsellor she was able to start processing how that betrayal by Nick had not been her fault, or something she “deserved”. She began to work through everything she had felt or done since was a result of how she had been treated because of that betrayal.
Why do we blame the victim and not the person who shares the pics?
When Justin lied about Hannah and Samantha had her photos shared, the girls were slut-shamed. Why did no one think Justin and Nick were d-bags for sharing the photos or that JUSTIN was a slut for supposedly going to third base?
If someone betrays your trust, then it’s not your fault. The person who chose to hurt you is 100% at fault.
You are always welcome to contact us at HELP and you can also find ways to cope in our empower section.
What could Clay have done differently?
I think we can all agree that Clay reeeeeally dropped the ball when it came to how he reacted to the pic going all around school.
What would we want if this happened to us? How can we support our friends if this kind of thing happens?
Tell us what you think Clay could have done or said to support Hannah. Comment on social media and we'll share your ideas next week in our deep dive on Episode 2 - Jessica next Tuesday.
This is part of a series to help us see what we can do to help give the Hannah Bakers of the world a different ending x.
Here are alllll the links here:
Ep 7 & 8: That girl is too much
Ep 11: Triggers & White Knights
Ep 12: The worst day of my life
