Aug 13

Aug 13 A Love Letter To Myself

I’ve spent the past couple of years following someone else’s narrative.. a boys narrative. I’ve taken a step back and have allowed myself to become second best and just a secondary character. I’ve been playing the love interest that is only there for the benefit of the leading male. I’m slowly fading into the background, losing everything that makes me, me.

Why have I done this?

I can blame society, I can blame Disney princess movies but at the end of the day I need to take some responsibility. I have let this happen and I have gone along with it willingly.

It’s time to take some control back. Looking back at the plot and the script it’s been extremely repetitive.

Girl gets her heart broken. Girl is sad. The next prince swoops in and saves her. F**k that. I’m not a damsel in distress. I don’t need saving and I do not need a boyfriend.

As I read over, I stop and examine the words, the sentences, the full stops. I ask myself is this it? Surely there’s more to life than petty romance and disappointment.

I want to change the end of this novel. Not only for myself but for all the girls who feel obligated by pressures to have someone to make them whole.

What does being whole even mean? I’m pretty sure I was born whole. I’m not a half, so why do I feel incomplete? The attention, the love that someone else can give will never be enough. I crave for something much deeper and I’ve come to the conclusion that it has to come from within. No one can ever love me as good as I can love myself. No one will understand my struggles, will know what’s in my head and know what will benefit me the most. As I’m turning the page into this new chapter I must remember, I am the leading role and I’m going to put myself first.

Every opportunity that’s going to benefit me and my future goals I’m going to take. Anything that aligns with my personal morals and dreams I’m going to grasp.

I’m going to say goodbye to that girl that once felt she needed someone to depend on. I’m re-writing this chapter, I’ve got the pen in my hand and I can see the pages blossoming in front of my eyes. I know there are a lot of pages to go, but so many I’ve left behind. I can see the final chapter transforming, I no longer need someone to comfort me on this journey, but I see a strong young woman on a quest to find happiness in herself. I know I may stumble over a few words and may need to rehearse some lines over and over, but let’s call that character development. I am ready and I do accept the role of being the badass independent lead character.