Oct 20

Oct 20 Supportive friends and whānau

Surrounding ourselves with supportive people, and creating healthy relationships is important for our wellbeing. Having these networks of people around us, especially when things are tough, can help us to feel more supported, and less alone.

Why are supportive networks important?

You have probably heard the saying “a problem shared is a problem halved”. This essentially means that when we are struggling with things, the people around us can help us to manage what is going on. This helps us to feel less alone and can prevent us from becoming too overwhelmed when times are tough.

Talking is also an awesome tool for connecting and getting support. When you have people around you to talk about things in a safe and healthy space, this can help you to process your feelings, and work out what to do. Talking also helps us to feel connected, learn more about ourselves, and explore the things that do and don’t make us feel good.

Having a supportive network of people around you mean you have access to people you trust who can talk with you and support you through tough times.

Supportive communication

A huge part of having healthy supportive relationships with people, are boundaries and communication. When we are able to understand each other’s boundaries, and clearly communicate with each other, it makes it easier for us to show our support. We’ve laid out some helpful, and not so helpful things that people can do when supporting someone else. You might like to consider sharing some of these, and setting boundaries with the person you are talking to before you start having a deeper conversation. This can help to make things nice and clear for both of you, and make sure you feel safe talking to each other.

Things that are helpful:

Listening. Really listening to someone and giving them time to say what they need to can be a great way to support them. Sometimes people just need to be heard, and it can be hard to find someone who will just listen.
Sharing. Give each other the chance to share what you need to, taking time to make sure you both get the time you need to speak and be heard. Having a well-balanced conversation can be a good way to connect with each other and feel less alone. But don’t feel like you have to share everything either, just share what you feel like you need to.
Understanding. Try not to make assumptions or judge the other person. Try to see things from their perspective or consider what other things might be going on for them. It is also okay to ask them to explain things if you don’t understand. It is better that you are both on the same page and can work together.
Talking not telling. Try not to tell the other person what to do. Make sure to have a conversation with each other and take time to explore different things together. Ultimately it is up to each person what to do, but having someone there to consider different options with can be rally helpful.

Things that aren’t helpful:

Dismissing. Dismissing someone else’s feelings, thoughts, or experiences isn’t okay. This can be really harmful and make that person feel worse or stop them from seeking support.
Ignoring. Ignoring someone’s problem can make them feel like they don’t matter, which is never okay. Even if you don’t understand why, it is a problem, it is important to acknowledge what they are going through. If you don’t feel like you are the right person to support them, that is okay, but just tell them that rather than ignoring them.
Talking down to people. Just because someone is struggling or needs support doesn’t make them weak or lesser than. In fact, reaching out for support is a huge sign of strength. Avoid talking down to or belittling someone for sharing their feelings, instead celebrate them for reaching out!

It is important to remember that when you go to friends and whānau should be able to respect your boundaries. You deserve to be listened to and feel safe when you are seeking support! If you feel like you need support from someone else outside of your friends and whanau, check out our Who to reach out to page.